• Kutoanjee bi harusi – is a request by the grooms family to Pamba the bride on the stage after the wedding day Nikkah
• Kipepeo -Zawadiya mama bi harusi ; Kipepeohupambwanamanotinamayasminiapelekewa mama biharusikwajasho la harusiajipepeapumzike
• Hidaya – zawadiya bi harusi
• Kombe la mume – vyakulaupelekwakwafamiliayamume (sambusa/kaimati/mkate wasinia/mahamri/rojoya kuku amanyama (enough for the groom family). Mkate mayaiwatokakwamkewapelekwa design with notes and muasimini
• Mwamvuli – notes design as a mwamvuli taken to bride family as a token.

Kuchumbia:
In arranged marriage the groom family will send word to close relatives and friends to search a bride for their sons. The search includes religion background tribe, where they live, and brief history of the family. Once all the information is gathered the groom family will then send a word to the chosen family (KUCHUMBIA)

POSA “Propose”
The groom family will visit the bride family in a surprise in their first visit usually it is between 2pm – 4pm to propose.  On arrival the groom family will pronounce their intention of visit “TUMEKUJA NA JAMBO LA KHEIR KUTAKA JIKO” (jiko here mean a woman). In arranged marriage the groom families knows and have information on the bride to be. Here it depends if the bride to be families have more than one girl in the house or the family lives with extended family the bride to be family will want a description of the girl in detail.  The detail description includes; complexion, height, weight, etc.  Usually the description is done in detailed manner.

The bride mother will then based on the description given will call the girl and ask her to serve the visitors tea and snacks the move is aimed at identify the bride to be (a mother guess is always right) and approval from the groom family. The groom family leaves the bride family house promising to come back soon but not without leaving a groom photograph behind for the bride to be.

Despite the fact that in arranged marriage the bride parents decision is considered to be final but the bride to be mother will explain in details to her daughter about visit and intention of the visitors, she will also give her the photograph of the groom to be.

MAULIDI:
Maulidi ceremony is performed immediately by both parents.The slaughter of cow as a “SADAKA” to the villagers and a thank giving to ALLAW (SW). Dua and Fatihais performed.

KUPELEKA PETE:
Kupelekapete will be a second visit to the bride to be family. The bride family will be informed early in advance in order to inform their close relatives about the occasion.  On this particular day the purpose of visit is to discuss on the:

• Girl dowry (MAHARI)
• Maziwaya mama
• Kilembaya baba
• Bag (bagi)
• Fixed marriage date

The groom family will bring the engagement ring together with other gift for the bride e.g. Kanga, cloths, hijab, buibui etc.

MAHARI OR DOWRY : this belongs to the bride to be and she is the one to decide on what she wants her Mahari to be. Mahari can be given in a form of:

• Furniture:  this includes double bed, dressing table, wardrobe, sofa sets, and wall unit worth Ksh. 150,000/= to Ksh. 200,000/=
• Cash money ranging from Ksh. 100,000/= to Ksh. 150,000/=
• Set of gold worth Ksh. 100,000/= to Ksh. 150,000/=
• The Holy Qur’aan and Mswala:

Mahari is bargainable and also depends on financial ability and stature in society.

• Maziwaya mama it is between Ksh. 30,000/= and Ksh 50,000/= an appreciation to bride mother.
• Kilembaya baba: it is between Ksh. 30,000/= and Ksh. 50,000/=  an appreciation to bride father.
• Bag (Bagi) as they call it in Swahili the bagi can cost Ksh. 100,000/= to 150,000/= but the same Bagi can cost as little as only Ksh. 10,000/= this also depends on the family wealth.

Maziwaya mama is usually shared among the mama family (uncles and unties) same with kilembaya baba the cash is divide among the baba families (Shangazi and Ami)

• Marriage date: the wedding date is fixed between 3 – 4 months to give both families time for wedding preparations
• Kufungaukuti: during this period the bride will remain indoors this is what is referred as “KufungaUkuti”during this time the bride is not allowed to go out not unless it is very necessary and in any case she has to go out then she will be accompanied by an elderly person in the family and covered completely from head to toes, she should not be recognized by anybody.
• Somo and kungwi: will be chosen among the family or alternatively profession on the field to guide the bride and give lessons on Elimu Asilia of the Swahili people to the bride to be during the kufungaukuti period.

SOMO:
During the four months indoors somo will help the bride to be with body beautification so that by the time she gets marriage she will be in a fair complexion and smooth this is made possible applying the following to the body; Liwa, Manjano, BintiDhahabu waxing and shaving is done also. Five days to the wedding the bride hair will be relaxed using the cream relaxer died to her color of choice, dried and styled by the beautician (somo) the day of the wedding.

KUNGWI: An old woman chosen to give guidance to the bride on the cleanness of the body, bedroom matters, and how to handle a husband during the wedding day and after the wedding day duties and responsibilities.

• HINNA PARTY: The Hinna ceremony takes place 3 days before the wedding, the ceremony is attended by the bride friends and age mates as a farewell party to the bride the bride is applied hinna the occasion is marked by songs, and dance. Snacks and soft drinks are served to the visitors.
• SHINDA: Shinda is the coming together of the close bride relatives to make the final preparation of the wedding day especially to make arrangement on food drinks,  to divide duties and responsibility for the big day. During Shinda lunch is made for the family gathering and soft drinks served. The occasion is meant to bring togetherness in the family and close relation. On the same day at night the family will celebrate KESHA with friends and neighbors. Snack (mahamrisviazivyarojo, kitoweo (meat or chicken) and juice will be served. The Kesha ceremony is marked by dance, songs, Ngoma “mama lele, Kirumbizi or buzi by the elderly women.
• LIMATULARUS – LUNCH: the lunch ceremony takes place at the bride’s home relatives, friends, neighbors and family gather for lunch.Taarab dance and modern songs mark the occasion.
• KUPAMBA: is mostly done in the evening from 7pm – 12pm at the hall this is strictly meant for married women to enter the hall one must have invitation card for the occasion.  The hall beautification and design is made by professionals. A parked box of snacks and soft drinks is serves to the guest as they enter. Taarab music played and dance for about 3hours to be precise and at 10.30 pm to 11.00pm the bride will arrive marched to the stage for photographs, immediately the bride groom enters the hall the invited guest leave and the bridegroom is left with her relatives and very close relatives to explore the stage and take family photographs. The exercise takes between an hour and two hours. The groom takes her bride home escorted by close relatives.

MKE NI LESO:
Ni la zima mke kuvaa leso mbili wakati wakulala na mumewe Mume ni avae leso kiunoni Kikaii na upambaji wa milazakishellasikuyanikkah tuna

songanyelemviringoamamkilinahukuzimetatiliwanamuyasmininausoni tuna wekamapambozayasmininamapamboyamkufuusoni.

Muyasmini, vilua, udi, manukato, mafutamazurinausafizaidiyamkekimwili, kinyumbanahatainjeyanyumbanimuhimu.

Mwanamkewa Kiswahili nipambonalazimatuendelezemilanadesturiyetukatikaelimuasiliatuliofundishwanawazeewetu. Na vituhivikuvitumiakwamwanamkewa Kiswahili nikamalazimakumfurahishamumewako

GROOMS FAMILY HOME:
The groom and bride will go to bed while both relatives wait for the answer from the groom.  It the bride turns out to be a virgin the bed sheet is send to the bride family and a celebration for both the family.

“KUOLEWA NA KUOA SI RAHA NI KARAHA YATAKA USTAMILIVU” a saying  from Munira Yusuf to remind the couples on the wedding vows.
Manukatoyawaswahili – vilua, muasumini, roses.

By Munira Yusuf.
Facilitated by Fatma Mansoor.

Before going the elders will sent a word to their in-laws on the date of visit.

VISIT TO THE GIRLS PARENTS:
On arrival the elders will be invited in by the hosts, they will exchange greetings, and immediately announce their intention for the visit, (usually they will say they have come to ask for jiko) “JIKO” the word used to refer to the girl.

Before serious talk or negotiation takes place the girl’s family will ask for the following:

• Kifungwa mdomo
• Kutandika Jamvi – (spreading of the mat)
• Kahawa

The above demands by the girls family is given in a form of money by the groom’s family. From here the groom’s family will be welcomed again for proper negotiation and bargaining on the:

• Mahari (the girl dowry) usually given in a form of cash money, (fedha) Furniture, Msahafu, (Quraan)  and mswala
• Maziwa ya mama (mothers milk) the milk is given in money form of money and is divided between the girl’s mother, and her sisters and brothers
• Kilemba ya baba (also is in money form) and the cash is divided among girls father his brother’s and sisters.

After the negotiation the grooms family “women” will then visit the bridegrooms family to give them “Kitamba cha utumba” as Kifunga Mlango “closes the door” the girl belongs to them now. The kitamba cha utumba bag contains

• Gora mbili za Lesso (two pairs of Kanga cloth)
• Viatu vya kuogea champali (a pair of slippers for shower)
• Mswaki na dawa ya meno (tooth brush and tooth paste)
• Mafuta ya Nazi, sabuni ya kogea na ya kufulia (coconut oil, bath soap and washing soap).

The family members will then report back to the family on the requirements, wedding date will be set by the groom’s family. The girl’s family will be informed on the date to start preparing for the ceremony. Meanwhile, the groom family will also be making arrangements for the bride grooms dowry, the furniture includes bed, dressing table, wardrobe, and sofa sets. The furniture will be ready before the wedding day and set in grooms room or house ready for the bridegroom. A day or two before the wedding the groom’s family will then visit the bridegroom’s family to take the wedding Bagi “Bag”

The bridegroom’s bag depends with the groom’s family they can be more than the reqirements depending on their financial status, but a must in the bag are the following:

• Lesso gora mbili (two pairs of kanga cloth)
• Mafuta nazi (Cocont oil)
• Mafuta mazuri (perfume)
• Viyatu vya kogea mbili (two pairs of slippers)
• Mswaki mbili na dawa ya meno (two pairs of toothbrush and tooth paste)
• Vitamba vya kanzu ama nguo (material for the bridegroom or ready made cloths)
• Sidiria na suruali (bra, panties and pad)
• Chanuo, udi, Hinna, Chitezo, na handkerchief (comb, udi, henna incense burner and a handkerchief)

The bridegroom will remain indoors while waiting for the wedding preparation to be completed and the wedding date to be sent from the groom’s family. Meanwhile the bridegroom to be will undergo some lessons and training from the grandmother on how to maintain her households, taking care of her husband, cooking lessons, bedroom lessons, respect to the husband and her in laws, dressing mode generally and in the bedroom, (twahara). (The important and use of kanga “Leso in Swahili communities)

Mapambo ya mwanamke na manukato is also important and the bride to be should get all the lessons on mapambo na manukato ya mwanamke because she should beautify herself for the husband every day (nikama adda kujirembesha kwa ajili ya mume nani lazima)

Wedding Day:

Nikka and wedding ceremony is celebrated at the bridegrooms home (main ceremony) not unless the grooms also wants to celebrate then they will also invite their guest. Otherwise during the Nikka day, the groom’s family will go to the bridegroom’s with “kahawa and Halwa” for the Nikka ceremony.

KUPOSA (ENGAGEMENT)IN DIGO SWAHILI COMMUNITY
BY
MISHI HAMISI KOMBO 65 YEARS
MAJENGO – ZIWANI – MOMBASA